Next Contestant Uzumaki Style
by Xarkun's Shadow
Summary: Do not own the song Next Contestant by Nickelback. Do not own Naruto. Another wonderful songfic about Naruto and Tayuya. Rated because of the lyrics.


**Next Contestant Uzumaki Style**

Another wonderful songfic coming from yours truly. Sit back and enjoy.

_Konoha, 26 years after Kyuubi attack_

Naruto had done everything he had wanted to do with his life. He had become the toad sage, defeated Akatsuki, retrieved Sasuke with the help of the eight-tailed jinchuuriki, and had become Hokage. He had even found love, his heart belonging to one ex-sound spy.

Tayuya had been sent in, as a spy, to determine Konoha's security so she and the others in the Sound Four would be able to capture Sasuke. Instead, she met up with Uzumaki Naruto, and he earned her trust. Since she couldn't betray Orochimaru openly, Naruto and Tayuya made a plan with Tsunade so that when she was confronted with an enemy, she would surrender immediately. The rest of the genin on the retrieval were informed of this, and the plan went off without a hitch. Unfortunately, Sasuke still managed to escape.

Naruto had managed to become Hokage at age twenty, and had given Konohamaru the position four years after that. Naruto said that there was too much paperwork and that the pay sucked. Konohamaru didn't know that Naruto wasn't joking.

Now that Naruto was free most of the time, he had been a jounin sensei and had his team become Chuunin the following year.

Naruto then decided to just get a civilians job to change the pace of his life. He would still do missions, but he also made steady pay instead of the helter-skelter pay that ninjas made. He decided to work as a blacksmith.

Tayuya, seeing how much more money Naruto was making, decided to do the same thing, getting a job as a waitress at a bar.

A year later, the two were dating, and both were happy with their relationship.

**I judge by what she's wearing  
Just how many heads I'm tearing  
Off of assholes coming onto her  
(Each night seems like it's getting worse)**

Naruto had decided to visit the bar that his girlfriend works at one night. While he didn't like the outfits that the barmaids had to wear, he didn't complain about it to Tayuya because it was what she wanted to wear.

**And I wish she'd take the night off  
So I don't have to fight off  
Every asshole coming onto her  
(It happens every night she works)**

Naruto really didn't like having to beat off all the people that tried to come on to her while she was working, but she had made it a game for them, to see how many Naruto would have to scare off every night.

**They'll go and ask the DJ  
To find out just what would she say  
If they all tried coming on to her  
(Don't they know it's never going to work?)**

Some people would try to ask Shino, the DJ at the bar what sort of pickup lines to try on Tayuya, and Shino would just shake his head and say "None of them."

It was funny to Tayuya how many guys would try to get her to go out with them, and she enjoyed crushing their dreams of a date. However, there was always that occasional guy that couldn't get a hint...

**They think they'll get inside her  
With every drink they buy her  
As they all try coming on to her  
(This time somebody's gettin' hurt)**

Some of the guys would try to buy drinks for Tayuya, trying to get her drunk and then asking her to go out with them. What was sad about this plan was that Tayuya could probably drink more than most shinobi. However, if she ever got shit-faced enough, she knew her boyfriend would come to the rescue.

**Here comes the next contestant  
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?  
Is that your hand?  
I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)  
And I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)  
There goes the next contestant**

Kiba had once tried to grab her ass once while Naruto was sitting right across from him. She had 'eeped' and Naruto kicked Kiba in the face and dragged him out onto the street, where he hung Kiba by his underwear on top of the Hokage tower. Everyone in the village had a good laugh the next morning.

**And I even fear the ladies  
They're cool but twice as crazy  
Just as bad for coming onto her  
(Don't they know it's never going to work?)**

Sasuke wasn't the only one who came back to the village. Karin had come with him, but after a few dates, found that she wasn't interested in him. Or any other male in the village. So she would try to get Tayuya to go out with her, only to get her heart broken whenever she tries and Tayuya starts making out with her boyfriend.

**And each time she bats an eyelash  
Somebody's grabbing her ass  
Everyone keeps coming onto her  
(This time somebody's gettin' hurt)**

Sai had even made a bet with Sasuke to prove he wasn't gay. He decided to kiss one of the barmaids, and Tayuya just happened to be there when he arrived. He grabbed her and was about to kiss her when he felt someone violently grab the back of his shirt and pull him out into the streets. Then he was knocked out, and the next thing he knew, he was tied to a light post with the yaoi edition of Icha Icha super glued to his hands.

**Here comes the next contestant  
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?  
Is that your hand?  
I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)  
And I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)  
There goes the next contestant**

I'm hating what she's wearing  
Everybody here keeps staring  
Can't wait til they get what they deserve  
This time somebody's gettin' hurt

Here comes the next contestant  
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?  
Is that your hand?  
I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)  
And I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)  
And I wish you'd do it again (each night seems like it's getting worse)  
And I wish you'd do it again (this time somebody's gettin' hurt)  
There goes the next contestant

Yes, Naruto found out the hard way that having a girlfriend as hot as Tayuya was definitely harder than being Hokage.

_The End _


End file.
